Monday, December 28, 2009


Well pockets ... trouser pockets ... every wondered why they were made ? They were created for men damn it ! How dumb are ya ?
We men need those ... why do we need those ? For no reason .. yes that is the reason - "for no reason" When we have nothing to do what do we do ? We put our hands in our pockets .. What do we do in awkward situations and awkward pauses - we put our hands in our pockets.
When we dont know how to impress a girl - yeah you guessed it right, we put our hands in our pockets showing her how cool we are! How dumb can we get ?
Our jean pockets are our best friends. With those we face no fear, we are not afraid of the silence between conversations neither the crappy social small talk we need to do to sustain in this society of yours!
And all these days you were dumb enough to think that we have pockets to keep our things, cellphone, keys, blah blah blah...
And women have their hand-bags/purses whatever you want to call those (I never know at what size the purse qualifies to be called a hand-bag ... sorry unaware of the threshold size for the promotion :( .. ) to keep their stuff.
Seldom do you see a girl in need of her jean pockets to start a conversation or a small talk ...

I guess we men are too scared that sooner or latter we will show the finger during the conversation ... hence the need ... of pockets!

(image courtesy :

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

No Tag No Fag

Girls have a deep desire to put a label on whatever they can. Like relationships .. their mind goes marking people, I bet thats what they use to distinguish people rather than the appearance. They live in the Avatar world where they see labels on the avatar's forehead. Closely notice them .. they go "guy with a long nose", "bald guy", "rich guy", "clooney look alike", "poor man's Shahrukh" ... then there are tags like "just a friend" which are more devastating than the break up. Its like you never got an entry into the team which feels worse than the team leaving you out for performance reasons.

Not only this opposite sex has to tag people, they are always in search of tags for things which are not yet tagged. In a relationship, what do you think a girl means when she says "where is this thing going .. ?" She wants an answer or rather a tag to put on it "committed" or "not committed" you bastard!

Why do only girls have a single "best friend" .. Please girls do let me know what exactly do you mean by "best friend". Is there a set of questions you ask yourself OR your so called "best friend" - answering which she is officially tagged as your best friend ? I want that questionnaire too for God's sake!
Guys never have a best friend. And if you find any guy mentioning that "best-friend" tag then the odds of him not being gay are equivalent to an Indian not knowing the significance of the name "Sachin".
Never saw a guy tagging someone as he is my best friend for life! Cause we dont tag :)
What is a "best friend" anyways ? Is he/she really the best ? These days I hear girls saying "she is ONE of my best friends ?" Superlative! I cant stop laughing on these kind..

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Friday, September 18, 2009


Well I am in a process of extending the black strands on my head. Hair! Such a unique thing hair is ...
I always wonder, why not make a protein powder using discarded hair, after all hair is made up of 91% protein ! Damn! Now I know where all my protein consumption of the day goes. I had heard a stand up comedy sometime where the comedian right described hair, "Hair is such a beautiful thing, we dont have a problem kissing another person on the head right on his hair... but one strand of this hair if tries to set lose and land in your soup, its havoc! "There is a hair in my soup! There is a hair in my soup!" I have seen people lose their mind if they find a hair piece in their food.

I always look forward to going to a barber, cause that is the only place i get to read those crap movie magazines and have a good laugh! I bet there was a barber's conference when the business was a low in the 70's and 80's where people wouldnt care to trim their hair, every couple from behind looked like a female couple. And this conference finally came to the conclusion that dumb movie magazines was the only solution to the losing business!

My friend has an interesting take on this, he says "You should go to a new barber each time. Seeing a new customer he gives you special attension and treatment so that you come again! But once you are there for the second time he takes you for granted. So the mantra is to go to a new barber in the city every time you want a trim.. .think about it"

Images courtesy :

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Women are from heaven, men are just mortals!

Disclaimer : I dont drink! I am no male chauvinist!

Seinfeld had once rightly said "What do men want? - ans: women! ". And "what do women want? - ans: we dont know"
whole aim of a mans life is to get a woman that was the reason this species was created in the first place - to find women. The ultimate destiny of a man is .........
yeah cant think of one right, here is the answer - to find a woman damn it!
It is all part of the Divine Plan. There were only women on the planet initially, men were only created so that the women could see these incapacitated creatures craving for them and soliciting to get them. And the "male dominance" and crap was created only by the astute God so that the men dont feel too miserable. But we men are so innocent that we just bask in the glory of male-dominance while the women are laughing (or rather rotflmao-ing) secretly on our foolishness.

But what do women want is still a question no man has yet found an answer to ...and probably will never find. And please dont tell me - women want men too. Thats crap .. we are everywhere, why do they keep saying i am in search of a man? - Girl! just peep out of your window you will find one!
Have you ever seen a guy straight away rejecting a woman ? No. Cause he knows his odds ..he thinks i should play safe, what if i get no other woman and i reject this girl too ! But in same situation a girl thinks .. yeah he is the perfect guy for me, but I should not make the decision so soon... what if i find someone better ? Gee, "Better than Perfect" - is it even a term !?
But beware! we men are clever too .. to forget (atleast for a while) that our aim is to get a woman we invented beer!
So now our priorities have increased by one in the below order -
1. perfect woman for life
2. beer

You can register all kinds of criticism in the comments section : )

Images courtesy -

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

9/9/9 Even Superman is confused in a Supermarket

I was at the super market. Yes its the same place where you go in to get a shaving cream and end up buying stuff which you really would never use or eat. People move there like zombies "I might need this... umm this seems interesting and new ... let me try that..." Smart guys these store people are. You wont believe there is actually a whole set of algorithms running to cluster these objects which have a high probability of getting purchased if a dependent object is purchased. They call it the WFY technique (We Fooled You).

But one thing i hate about shopping for groceries is that why the hell do they print the price so small on every product. Isnt that one of the if not the ONLY criteria for comparing the same product of varying companies ? Its like these product companies are playing some kinda game with you - "Ok customers; lets see if you find the place where the price is written, you dont deserve it if you are too lame to find it. If you find it - you win the product, only thing you will have to pay the price you just found! "

This is insane.. they should have the name of the product and the price tag - in big - on the front - sweet and simple. People strain their neck looking for the price on the bottom of a deodorant .. of all the places - the bottom of the can ?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Height of Spitting

Is it normal or is it just me whose first instinct is to "spit" when looking down from a height (or a tall building) ?! Is it natural to have the feeling of "how will it feel to spit from this height? I have never done that from the 7th floor! How will it feel ?"

They say "One who spits against the wind, spits in his face" ..but spitting down the building is safe i guess.. no one has said anything about it!

There are some instincts and urges you have as a child but most of them fade away as you mature. You dont feel no more to experiment how the glass will shatter if I throw this rock towards it. But this urge to spit from a height peeping down is irresistible. How come it is so natural that the moment I peep down my terrace, there is a strange movement of molecules in my mouth who scream let us out you moron. Its like my mind sends signals "Battalion Saliva lets march to the front of the tower gates towards the teeth and the tongue; we have a situation here!" And the saliva goes "Roger that!".

I bet Newton must have had this urge which lead to the discovery of "Gravity" cause God has his reason behind every human urge .. aint He ;) ?! Who thinks that the dumb apple will cause someone rule the thought of how-it-tends-to-fall-down-than-up-damn-it over the thought ooo-juicy-free-fresh-right-from-the-tree-apple-lucky-me ?

(Leave a comment to clear this doubt of mine if you have ever had/ never had this urge!)


(Image courtesy - )

Teachers : Aaj Kal

This post has been published by me on the occasion of the Teachers' Day as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 2; the second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Teachers are like bollywood movies. Its tough to find a perfect blend; as in bollywood movies, we need a miracle to have a good plot, good direction, good drama and good acting. What does one need in a teacher? Yes! you are right - we need a perfect bollywood movie in a teacher - good direction, acting, plot and a bit of drama to make it interesting.
Today teaching has become a mere means of earning rather than the urge and craving to teach. The long bell-bottoms(which were also called elephantas) replacing the tender sharp and narrow ones, big framed retro glass structures replacing slim plastic frameless glasses on the eyes,- these are not the only things that have changed from 70's teachers to todays' ones.
Teaching I feel is in the sideburns, with them disappearing so did the quality of teaching from 70s to the 90s. But its not that there are no good teachers today, the thing is we have lost good students too. Students choose to learn things themselves these days rather than climibing the college stairs for lectures. This is a vicious circle - lack of student interest leads to degrade in quality profs and lack of quality profs leading to a degeneration in the student interest.
Its funny that everyone hates teachers in their childhood but dont realize how they mold them into the person they are today. Ironically these are the worlds that can be derived from the letters of "teacher"

But more importantly there is this vital other set too :)

and the most imp one! -- heart

A good teacher is like a drop of mercury falling on the floor, no mathematical model or statistician can simulate how many and what forms the droplet will take once they land on the floor. Same is for the teacher whose pupils spread through out the world in different forms and take the learnings with them. Somewhere inside these students have a part of the teacher in them be it the teachers of 'kaal'(yesterday) or 'aaj ke'(todays) teachers.

(Image courtesy

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton are Vipul, Rajalakshmi, Dhiman, Ranee[1], [2], [3] , Avada, Indian Pundit, Sojo, Aneet, Pramathesh, Aativas, Sid, Pra, Lakshmi, Govind, Shilpa, Bharathi, Shankar, Mytuppence, Azad, Pawan, Pankaja, Saimanohar, Guria, Shruti, Vishnu and Nasrajan. Click on their respective names to read their posts on Teachers : Aaj Kal. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Nothin much

What is the definition of "doing nothing" ? You gotto be always doing atleast something. People have this habbit of asking "Whatsup?!" which is often followed by the reply " Nothin much.." . Why do we have this dumb ritual of whatsup? New to this "text chatting" environment, one day my friend was once asked by a girl "Whats up ? ;) " ...He was stunned for a sec or two, "what does that wink mean? ...Oh OH ! Holy shit! how the hell does she know - what-is-up ?! ...and he hastily closed all the porn windows he had open. Sigh. (Pls dont gross out - i have more to say!)

For once I would like to reply "The ceiling duh?" for a "whatsup" fired my way. I dont remember a single instance when I received a reply better than "as usual", "nothin much" or "same old routine".
These greeting are so dumb i feel that they really show how comfortable you are with the other person. Ever noticed the long awkward pause when you bumped into someone which you would have rather not liked to ? After the initial "hi"s and how-are-yous and the i-am-fine-what-about-thou always end up in long awkward pauses. If you are an onlooker you can clearly view it as a tennis match, with the thoughts swinging from one to the other. Though they are not talking you can hear them perspicuously. "What the hell I am even doing talking with him". These are the tennis matches I really love to be an audience of. It kills me!

(Images courtesy - )

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Someone else.. theory

Everyone knows what is right in a difficult situation, but only when, only when, only when - someone else is in the situation. I am always perplexed to see how any tom dick or harry can speak great words of wisdom for someone who is in trouble. He himself may do all the crappy things in life, but when it comes to advising friends - this very guy who left his girlfriend cause she asked him to brush his teeth regularly in the morning will suddenly turn into a mother Teresa and advice "My friend, you need to show some maturity, even though your girlfriend spent the night with another guy.. you have to understand her and not leave her."
Another thing which i am always bewildered about is how one feels great relief and comfort if someone else (say a friend) was in the same bad situation and they share their experiences. For instance, a friend of mine was hurt as his long distance relationship didnt work out. He talked to another friend of mine and he said he faced the same long-distance curse and mentioned that these situations are tough and its better to end things rather than stretch them. My friend 1 was so thrilled that his depression sublimated and vanished in a giffy. And my friend 2 felt proud that he had consoled my friend 1. But that is not the truth. Being a friend 0 of these 2 idiots, I will tell you the truth behind the depression-sublimation effect. Rather than that friend2's words of same experience being comforting, it is the fact that some one else had gone through this misery and God didnt chose only me to suffer this --that is more comforting than Yanni's melodies!

(Image courtesy - )

Friday, August 28, 2009

Pride and Prejudice of the Car Window

Have you ever looked into a car at the signal standing besides you with those tinted UV film windows? You are on your bike in the scorching heat fighting with the sun and this guy sits in the car reading some dumb business magazine - which btw for your information is just a style statement, you doesnt know a shit about whats in there, he is just skimming through the pictures in the magazine as we would do as a child through whatnot (if you know what i mean)!
It like this window separates us from the 2 worlds - the world of air-conditioners and the world of misery. Its like a wall between the cold and the hot air, a wall which separates the bald business man from the mortal common man.
And this guy sits there in his comfy seat and smiles at you - that smirk, that simper which often silently says "If only you had worked a bit harder ... you would have been on the other side of the window!"

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Happy Birthday Virus

As a kid I always longed for remembering birthdays but given the fact that I was never a punctilious guy, I always ended up forgetting birth dates of dear and close. This really made me sick and then over a period of time I just evolved into a brassy guy who was taken for granted that he will forget the dates. But people didnt mind, I was let off the hook with a "never mind, thats his childhood problem, was never a memory prodigy".
And from that day my friends, the quest to end up with 365 friends begun! I want to find 365 near and dear people having distinct birth dates. The intersection of their birth dates should be a null set (cant help with the mathematical jargons).
And mind you, your girlfriend or wife should be one of these 365 people. So the day when you cant remember whom to wish a "happy birthday" today -- mate, you need to turn to your wife and greet her "happy birthday darling". Ingenious and perspicacious aint it ?! A complete solution to all the date recording problems - brb, need to go file a patent for this ;)
Just the 29th feb one will be a tricky one.
But do you see the advantages of it, you wont be bored a day after retiring. You will look forward to each new day to wish someone and to talk to someone (maybe after an year's gap when you last talked to him/her!)

(Image courtesy flickr - )

Sunday, August 2, 2009


I can never fathom the use of nails. I would have spent at least 0.0005 percent of my life cutting my nails. And the hand ones are useful, at least for a selected use cases, but what are the nails on the feet doing ?! Why do we need them ?
If the evolution theory says that humans lost their tail as a part of the evolution process cause they didnt use it much, then why are the nails still growing and growing and growing ?
Man! we lost to the damn fish too! It was successful in growing fins after being extinct for some years, but we! we couldnt even shed of the nails. Nails are fine, no problem with them - but why the heck do they grow !?
After the 20th century, evolution has made us grow a waist to adapt to the low-waist jeans we wear compared to the ones of 70s where people used to dress their pants on their chests. I bet the shirt length was trivially small in that period of human history. The threshold was 3, you were allowed to display only 3 top buttons of your shirt above the trouser. Such high was the trouser dressed!
With the low-waist jeans picking up these days- according to the evolution theory we may end up having a waist at a place where our knees are today like a Dachshund! (provided we evolve :)

The Cream And Scum Of Blogging

Well blogging has become a morbid mania as such these days. People like to express themselves, they prefer writing a blog rather than maintaining a secret personal diary of events. I still remember those old day college cinema which showed the girl hiding her private diary from the hero. But not the case any more .. the sari is replaced by bum-shorts and a tending to negligible top and so is the personal diary replaced by public blogs!
I guess the new "style statement" is to reveal ... reveal whatever you can, whether its the personal events you log or the tongue piercing you have (belly ring is outmoded btw).
I still cant fathom why people share such a huge amount of their personal experiences or problems on the blog, which is mostly due to having low friend-count. The idiot box is replaced by the super-idiot-box - the com-puter.

PS: this post was to support the blog-a-ton initiative by some innovative people out there who are keeping "quality" blogging alive rather than letting it die as people write pages and pages of day-to-day life., which I feel only losers are authorized to read ;)

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton are Arjuna, Saimanohar, Dhiman, Vipul Grover, Avdi, Daisy Blue, Sid 'Ravan' Kabe, Shankar, Shilpa Garg, Bharathi, Ranee, Ranee again and Pawan.Click on their respective names to read their posts on The Cream and Scum of Blogging.To be part of the next edition of this online marathon, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Partner in Crime

I always have and will respect people who are in a relationship who end up marrying,
provided they stay happy and united till the end.
Cause the odds that you will find your life partner exactly as you had expected or dreamed of infinitesimally small. Its even harder than finding a diamond in a mine - cause you can buy a diamond from a shop, but you cant buy a partner according to your specifications ! (Though lot of entrepreneurs have tried this business-model to generate pairs!)
If you want the exact stats then I will give you the exact stats

Probability of finding a right partner is { 1/(6,706,993,152 ) } *1/2*1/2
where 6,706,993,152 - population count of the world
1/2 - probability that you like the woman
1/2 - probability that the woman likes you

= 1/26827972608
~ 1/(2*10^11)

Good Lord, the odds against you are higher than the speed of light !
And let alone the fact that I have not considered the sexual alignment, that can complicate the equation a lot.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Come Shit... I mean Sit.

The best part of being an animal, (by animal i mean non-human of course) is that you get to shit while you walk! Can you imagine humans doing that ? Chee! what a site that would be!
Forget how it would look,.. for a moment just imagine yourself doing that while you are walking. Got goose bumps right?! I just saw a buffalo shitting while it was walking. It made me contemplate more than freak me out.
Maybe this was the first utility ever to mark the pathway so that you dont get lost.
(Oh Yes! Now I know why "pants" were invented... people couldnt stand the site of each other doing "this" randomly say during hand shakes, during talks, during weddings..., else why do you think pants were invented?)
I couldnt in my wildest logical reasoning senses derive how do the animals generate ample pressure to do it while they are walking. I mean, thats insane. We humans face pressure problems even though we are all focus-focus in there, sitting in one place concentrating on the task at hand. And these animals do a multi-tasking job !? Thats unfair. And plus they dont have the gravitational support either, they force things out horizontally versus humans who help things out vertically.
And there is the third kind - Dogs- who are like in between, they like the 60 deg angle pose! Some times life is cruel on humans. These things definitely make you feel miserable. After all this thing goes down as one of the five pleasures of life. And btw have you ever heard a dog, sheep, buffalo fart? Woohaaa they dont have to worry about that either. Damn.

These are true "Managers" .. cause they can manage their "Shit" !

And I bet the word "shitting" was derived from "sitting" with just an addition of an "h". The reason i feel is cause "H" symbolizes the front view of how we sit for the task and "h" symbolizes the side view of it!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Plot

George's hand was trembling. If it was a cup and a saucer it would have rattled like hell, but it was a knife. A sparkling knife. He made himself strong, he was waiting -- waiting for it to come out. The knife had stains on it, real stains. Stains which stay back with the knife after the knife pierces through the flesh, cutting it through.
No time he had. He was out of time. Every thing was done now, any mistake would ruin things. George was aware of it. Things had worked out as he had planned. But he dearly wanted the knife to be cleaned.
He had another knife-victim lined up. He was waiting in the kitchen, he just prayed that it would show up in time this time around. The knife was dying to be cleaned of the stains! The substantiations had to be removed, had to be deleted.

The woman was happy, her gait was a ecstatic one! Briskly she covered ground with large happy steps. She almost galloped! She wished her son had been there as he used to be every year. But he was gone, he had to. She climbed the stairs rapidly as she never did before. Happiness was in the air, she was to call her son who was miles away from her. An air of disappointment spread suddenly around her with the fact that he had not called her for almost 3 months now. Was he alright ? Or did the big city fever make him forget his mother. These thoughts were spreading like venom through her brain, slowly killing her. She couldnt hold now. No she couldnt.
She moved quicker, eager to make a call.

George had only one knife, he couldnt afford to use it with stains. That was his rule. The knife gets a bad taste if you use it with out washing the previous stains. A rule he followed. He just wished that the damn thing would come out of the hole. The clock was ticking, he knew it was not long for his plan to be executed. His heart pounded. It was pumping blood so hard that he could feel the pressure on his veins. He could feel the liquid running through his body. He would not let this small stupid thing ruin his plan. A plan which he had worked out over and over in his mind for the past week.

And there came the devil from the hole, the tap hole - water sprang into action, gushing over the knife with such force that the stains washed out in a jiffy. He hurried through the knife like an ablution on a ritual day.
His blood resonated in sync with the sound of the tap water. He was sweating. Sweating through each skin pore of his forehead.

The woman had raced to the door till this time. She was panting with the effort she made on the stairs to reach the door as quickly as possible. And then as she was ready to open the door with the key, the phone in the house rang. George leapt and almost made a cry of fear. He was waiting with the scintillating knife in his hand. He couldnt get distracted by the phone, he had to be focused.

The door lock made a clacking noise, George fumbled from his position a bit but recovered. The phone was honking, crying to be picked up like a baby. The woman hurried with the keys, she was sure it was her son calling...
But little did she know that a guy with a derisive smirk was awaiting her. Yes, George was there- right there -waiting for his victim. He so loved this - he loved to see the expressions on his victims face. All the week he had dreamt of this place appareled with a lady wearing a shock expression on her face. Just imagining her shocked face brought goose bumps. George recovered himself for a final prayer with a cunning smile, one of intent!

To be continued ...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Opening

I was there -- right there - on the block again. Found myself in the same situation as yesterday. Waiting, waiting -- thinking whether today is THE day ?

Somewhere there was water, turbulent water -- water waiting to gulp down whatever comes its way. The water was angry that day my friends.
There were lot of people around, there was a real buzz of excitement in the air.

I made my last prayers - prayers Federer must have made before his Roddick encounter. Knowing the fact that you will be suspended in air in few seconds is horrendous.
The apprehension was a dire one. But this was it, i was not going to bend now under the fright. I was in a way looking forward to the flight.

Then came the moment, my feet were off the ground. I was plunged backwards in air, belly facing the sky, my body imitated an arc,feet parallel to the ground and hands making an angle of 60 -- half way through, the air felt cool, things seemed to have stopped to a stand still - am I dead ? is this how death feels ?
maybe I was in heaven !

Boom! My blissful thoughts were interrupted -- bang -- I landed. I was trembling, i went in hands first, head and torso with legs following in.
I went straight into the chasm, -- right to the bottom, I could feel the abyssal depth, my feet kissed the bottom floor.

With a spasmodic jerk my feet kicked, kick of such strength -- I was going up like a missile - like Superman used to do before his flight.

My nose throwing out blobs of air, my eyes wide shut , was it a dream or am i really dying ?! I tried to open my eyes praying it was a dream, to find to find myself in the bed -but that was not the case.
It was for real. I had stopped breathing by now. This was my last thought before my head came up and I opened my mouth like a lion's-yawn to take in air.
Was the first time air tasted this nice, so surreal.

With sore eyes I looked at my friend who had put up a grisly face. He clapped as his expression changed from 0 to 1.
Thankfully it was water -- Finally I had manged the back-dive in the pool. phew!

(I was trying that for a week...boy its difficult!)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


I have always longed for a "secretary". That has been my childhood fantacy or you can say an obsession. Why cant normal people have secretaries ? Do you always have to be abnormal like your boss to have secretaries ?! Imagine if I had a secretary at my job right now who would be composing mails for me, getting prints for me, reminding me for meeting, arranging papers for me. She would be right by my side through out the day !(ahem ahem..)
How can one even work with "nice" lady secretary around ? This is like making a deer and a lion work together.. Which one is the deer and which one the lion is a choice i leave upto you to decide !
Its like having a cake too cute to be cut and eaten. Its a juxtaposition of two antithetic purposes. The sole aim of having a secretary is to make the individual more productive and proactive (note: shouldnt be read as - reproductive and procreative) But the irony is , 11 out of 10 times the boss becomes impotent (in terms of work of course)
There should be a statue codifying the laws for being qualified as a secretary :
1. (the most important) Should not be attractive at all
2. Disqualifies if she has a good figure (even if she is not attractive!.. cause we can sacrifice that for a good body sometimes)
3. Not a sweet talker. No! (we cant work around these types)
4. Thou shall not reveal any body part unless an indispensable necessity.
5. Should preferably have a boy friend before hand.
6. Should never ask for sympathy in her low times (else we cant control ourselves in such scenarios!)
7. Should be twice as age of the boss. If not then refer points 1,2,3,4,5.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Excretion En-light-ened

Humans emit all kinds of waste forms. Humans are like God's Cavia cobaya , God's Guinea pigs. Every time God invented a new form of matter it was tested by dumping it into a human mouth. And the results which came out decided whether that material passed or not. Humans emit all possible forms of matter. We eat every possible form, we excrete every possible form.We excrete plants, excrete animals, we excrete minerals, excrete fibers ...we egest matter in all forms - solid, liquid and our favorite- gas too ! And as a matter of fact or rather fact of matter.. we have gel coming out to - thats why we were given the organ between our temple and lips. And wax through our ears.
In one aspect we were left behind -- Light. Why did we lose the bid on light ?! Why dont we somehow emit light ?... It would have been cool to excrete that form too ! wouldnt it ?
One would go , " I have to go 'lighten' , excess light is harmful you know - as holding urine is harmful to the bladder". Now what would have been the source of outlet there ?! Maybe the omphalos (the bellybutton).

It would have been really helpful in times of darkness if one was able to excrete light as a waste product from his body. Torch would never had been invented.

Or.. or..maybe the Halo was a failed experiment of God which demonstrated the excretion of light.

Friday, July 3, 2009

The Chosen Ones

Ever been at a waiting queue at a hotel? There are 2 kinds of people there. One who have just eaten and are coming out ... they have a look of contempt, a pooh-pooh look, a look saying "Look at those people in the waiting queue .. dont they have anything better to do ?!" . I feel it is apt to call the people in the waiting queue as "waiters" rather than the ones who serve food... And then there is this other kind, the Second ones who are just transformed from the "waiter's " role to the guest of honor role. These are the ones whose turn is on, who are called as there is a free table. Every seen the look on these peoples' face? Its a look of "The Chosen One" - a pompous walk, a strut. Its not like they are the chosen ones to meet Penelope Cruz or something. But these little victories constitute life I guess. Everyone wants a podium to declare "I am a winner" ;)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Ever wondered whether you see the same color as green; as your boss sees it ? Its relative isnt it. (I know in case of boss no matter what color he sees, you will agree with him.. but thats a different case altogether).
Maybe what you are seeing as green may not be what others see, but it maybe the case that they have a different definition of green. So it can be - what we both might see as green can be very different to our eyes! But since we are bought up defining this as green - so we are calling it as green. Maybe a blue to me is a green for you and vice versa . And the funny thing is we cant verify this !
To me this is Relativity !
Einstein was always right about Relativity i guess. Everything is relative :)
Give it a thought ..
PS: btw I have no particular bias for green!

Monday, June 29, 2009


As Engineering students we used to omit a lot of topics while studying. There use to be lot of options for questions in the examination paper, so we could get through by studying only a subset of the syllabus. But ever wonder how medical students might be handling this situation .. Can they afford to study a subset of the syllabus just because there are options in the paper ?
I have never seen a doctor saying to a patient ..."Look mate, "leg" was a very tough topic to study, so I had skipped it ... cant help ya ! Sorry!"
And I guess thats the reason doctors need to prove their qualification from time to time , as Jerry Seinfled says "Only doctors have their certificates on display in their cabins... Its like they are saying "Well you better believe I am an official graduate, check my certificate on the wall if you want to!!" "

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Erection

I was surfing the web and thought of checking "why a building is called a building and not a "built" or something ?!". And I found a very funny answer on a forum which said "Why not call it an "erect" ?" .People would be seen saying "I just moved to a new erection !". Rotflmao. Wonder how this originated ? Maybe...the first building was never completed, maybe it went on for years and years which lead to the present continuous verb for it.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I always wonder why people whisper when they need to talk to someone who they can see but is too far to talk to. I mean, dont you think screaming if nothing else will help their cause ...rather than whispering?..
Have you seen someone 10 stories up talking to a person on ground in a whisper waving hands suggestively? Saw a man, imitating a Pizza eating routine to a guy far away. He was asking him to bring back a pizza for him.
They were around 100m away ... The man was whispering along with the hand gestures "Can you get me a Pizza ?" .. . Whispering?! And who are you whispering to ? I mean the sole motive behind these hand gestures is that the person is beyond the hearable threshold permitted by physics, ..and you whisper ?! Sorry to say Sir, but you are defeating the motive here ! ... Or maybe humans cant just gesture with their hands .. the nerve going to the hand and mouth in the brain may be connected in some fashion such that there is a single bit as their input. So either both work or none does. No wonder girls have that nerve strong.
This scientific or psychological phenomenon is so peculiar that I wonder how a guy 50m away from another another suggest there is a fire here pls call the fire brigade ... obviously he will whisper " ... you still dont understand you damn fool...there is a fire the fire brigade!" and of course will be waving his hands bottom to top imitating fire..
And as the above 'physiopsycho act' utterly undigestable, so is the uncomprehended act of 'shuuushing' a child to pee.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


I have a singular theory that every quarrel, an argufy or altercation can be explained by a single word. Broken relationships, battles, sadness everything. One word. Everything explained.
..."Expectations" is the word. I broke up with my girlfriend - cause: I expected her to be some way which she wasnt. She broke up with me - cause: she expected me to be a Stud! (which for the matter of fact is debatable btw!)

Is expecting to expect that someone wont expect you to expect, a sin !? I really wanna know ...

You say "I hate that person" reason :you expected him to be of a particular kind. "Frequency match" is just a suave way of saying that "He does not match my Expectations".

I go to a dinner invitation without taking anything(gifts/wine/desserts) with me. The host is upset rather than happy to see me !?.. Excuse me, isnt it an invitation for the dinner ? The Society is a very complex organization which works in more mysterious ways and on rules which are stranger than God. God atleast follows logical rules. But no! ..the society has to work on "expectations" is unaware of rational thinking.

Every where you will see expectations. Expectations, expectations, expectations .. Father expects from a son. son expects from mother, wife expects from husband, boss expects from employee, traffic police expects from you, you expect... aaah, are you really left in a position to expect !?

You are expected to bring gifts to bday parties
to wear coats to interviews
to swim only in swimming costumes
to hold a door for a lady

...and if you dont do so ? ..then you are in deep trouble my friend! You are about to be ostracized.

Imagine this world without expectations ! You can go and sit in boxers in office. You can bring your girlfriend to the office to sit next to you... You wont be expected to gift her either ! World will be one peaceful place to live in. And they talk about anti-terrorism for peace ..phrrr. The root cause is terrorists expect a lot... lot of money lot of luxuries lot of land,
Subtract "expectations" from this world and you will be left with a Wonderland ..

A friend reviewed this entry for me. "So..?" I inquired to sooth my intriguing sole on which he replied "Well, cant expect anything from you hence forth..I have quit expecting !!"
I expect he meant good compliments... else he is gonna have one from me! Peace.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Professors are like Coal.. only difference is that the probability to get a Diamond on hitting it is Nil.
I had a professor. We used to call him G-man. Trust me he was unequaled to He-man or Superman. He was a league apart. Unparalleled for his time killing. He had an unimpeachable I-am-too-cool-to-work attitude.
I feel he should be allowed to wear a cape... He isnt not super cool to wear that. A cape with a college emblem
But beware if you need to talk to him or consult him .. he has a tight schedule -
Comes to college around 11am - walk to cabin - switch on PC - walk to canteen - tea at canteen - walk back to cabin - check mail - lunch - walk to canteen - 2 hrs lunch - a walk around department after heavy lunch - a quick nap at desk - chat with hod on things-you-shouldnt-know - some more tea at canteen - some more walk with colleagues - some more nap - some more chats - drive back home.
With so hectic a schedule , no wonder he doesnt find time to update his profile on our college website !

He was so senile that we used to consider him as a Doctorate. Dr. G-Man the chosen one. But he was cool as a cucumber with students. A man with such talent, he was uninterested in materialistic joys of life! Was never interested in failing students. He console us prior to exams - " Dont worry even if the paper is tough, I am going to check it and not anyone else. Just worry about the practicals cause I will have to ask a dummy examiner from industry to conduct the viva...(with a gloomy face) cant help you guys there ! :("
Heard there is going to be a new branch in our Engineering college. Like Gnosticism they are planning for "Ghoticism" (named after the great prof of ours - Dr. Ghot..)

Such was our super hero - our G-man - Cometh the moment cometh the man ..Dr. G-Man!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Socio Socializing

One thing these social networking sites have done is that they have enabled you to dig into someone's past. Or if you see the other side of the coin it helps you to log your present which you can go through in the future. With someone asking me what I was upto this time 2 years before then I can get back to my facebook account and check my scraps/wall.

Lets go 20 yrs down the line and see how things will shape. Your son will come upto you and ask, "Dad who was Julia! Was she your girlfriend ? ..I saw her testimony in your account!" OR "Dad you looked great with that girl in bikini when you were in Vegas :O" and with that I need not explain the look your wife will give you.
...But our generation is not that lucky to have our parents' social/web profiles on these sites. Wouldnt it be great to take a sneak-peek into their past life ?!
I hope 20 yrs down we wont be scrapping each other under the same roof.. else we would find scraps saying "Honey, could you please change our son's diapers ? .. he just peed next to me"
"Sweetheart why dont you do that yourself? The diapers are in the second drawer in the cupboard of the room I am sitting in .."

Friday, June 19, 2009

Shave the Shavings pls!

Shaving is a funny thing. As if men had less things to worry about, they have to check the hair on their face everyday ?!
Ever video tapped yourself shaving ? You get a wide variety of faces made to the mirror. No wonder we evolved from apes.
We still got the genetic gift of making faces ! Shaving gives us a platform to showcase our skills in making faces.
I always end up cutting my sideburns uneven... "Aah this side is a bit long .. let me trim more.. uuum this one looks a bit narrow"
Gaah! by the end of this creative session I am left with small mutton chops which imitate a tap coming out of a tank.
Gradually with the conversion of the beard over the face, this tap seems to pour out water !

Sideburns(initially Burnside) got their name from Ambrose Burnside who had a mustache which connected the sideburns.
These kind of art pieces are like saying that I have 2 parts of my face. One does the talking and eating while the other helps me to see and smell.
Its like an indicator of level on the face. You can immerse me in water only till this level .. if water goes above this , I cant breathe !

Imagine women having mustache and beard. "Oh I just got a french cut! It goes well with my red lipstick! "