Friday, September 18, 2009


Well I am in a process of extending the black strands on my head. Hair! Such a unique thing hair is ...
I always wonder, why not make a protein powder using discarded hair, after all hair is made up of 91% protein ! Damn! Now I know where all my protein consumption of the day goes. I had heard a stand up comedy sometime where the comedian right described hair, "Hair is such a beautiful thing, we dont have a problem kissing another person on the head right on his hair... but one strand of this hair if tries to set lose and land in your soup, its havoc! "There is a hair in my soup! There is a hair in my soup!" I have seen people lose their mind if they find a hair piece in their food.

I always look forward to going to a barber, cause that is the only place i get to read those crap movie magazines and have a good laugh! I bet there was a barber's conference when the business was a low in the 70's and 80's where people wouldnt care to trim their hair, every couple from behind looked like a female couple. And this conference finally came to the conclusion that dumb movie magazines was the only solution to the losing business!

My friend has an interesting take on this, he says "You should go to a new barber each time. Seeing a new customer he gives you special attension and treatment so that you come again! But once you are there for the second time he takes you for granted. So the mantra is to go to a new barber in the city every time you want a trim.. .think about it"

Images courtesy :

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Women are from heaven, men are just mortals!

Disclaimer : I dont drink! I am no male chauvinist!

Seinfeld had once rightly said "What do men want? - ans: women! ". And "what do women want? - ans: we dont know"
whole aim of a mans life is to get a woman that was the reason this species was created in the first place - to find women. The ultimate destiny of a man is .........
yeah cant think of one right, here is the answer - to find a woman damn it!
It is all part of the Divine Plan. There were only women on the planet initially, men were only created so that the women could see these incapacitated creatures craving for them and soliciting to get them. And the "male dominance" and crap was created only by the astute God so that the men dont feel too miserable. But we men are so innocent that we just bask in the glory of male-dominance while the women are laughing (or rather rotflmao-ing) secretly on our foolishness.

But what do women want is still a question no man has yet found an answer to ...and probably will never find. And please dont tell me - women want men too. Thats crap .. we are everywhere, why do they keep saying i am in search of a man? - Girl! just peep out of your window you will find one!
Have you ever seen a guy straight away rejecting a woman ? No. Cause he knows his odds ..he thinks i should play safe, what if i get no other woman and i reject this girl too ! But in same situation a girl thinks .. yeah he is the perfect guy for me, but I should not make the decision so soon... what if i find someone better ? Gee, "Better than Perfect" - is it even a term !?
But beware! we men are clever too .. to forget (atleast for a while) that our aim is to get a woman we invented beer!
So now our priorities have increased by one in the below order -
1. perfect woman for life
2. beer

You can register all kinds of criticism in the comments section : )

Images courtesy -

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

9/9/9 Even Superman is confused in a Supermarket

I was at the super market. Yes its the same place where you go in to get a shaving cream and end up buying stuff which you really would never use or eat. People move there like zombies "I might need this... umm this seems interesting and new ... let me try that..." Smart guys these store people are. You wont believe there is actually a whole set of algorithms running to cluster these objects which have a high probability of getting purchased if a dependent object is purchased. They call it the WFY technique (We Fooled You).

But one thing i hate about shopping for groceries is that why the hell do they print the price so small on every product. Isnt that one of the if not the ONLY criteria for comparing the same product of varying companies ? Its like these product companies are playing some kinda game with you - "Ok customers; lets see if you find the place where the price is written, you dont deserve it if you are too lame to find it. If you find it - you win the product, only thing you will have to pay the price you just found! "

This is insane.. they should have the name of the product and the price tag - in big - on the front - sweet and simple. People strain their neck looking for the price on the bottom of a deodorant .. of all the places - the bottom of the can ?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Height of Spitting

Is it normal or is it just me whose first instinct is to "spit" when looking down from a height (or a tall building) ?! Is it natural to have the feeling of "how will it feel to spit from this height? I have never done that from the 7th floor! How will it feel ?"

They say "One who spits against the wind, spits in his face" ..but spitting down the building is safe i guess.. no one has said anything about it!

There are some instincts and urges you have as a child but most of them fade away as you mature. You dont feel no more to experiment how the glass will shatter if I throw this rock towards it. But this urge to spit from a height peeping down is irresistible. How come it is so natural that the moment I peep down my terrace, there is a strange movement of molecules in my mouth who scream let us out you moron. Its like my mind sends signals "Battalion Saliva lets march to the front of the tower gates towards the teeth and the tongue; we have a situation here!" And the saliva goes "Roger that!".

I bet Newton must have had this urge which lead to the discovery of "Gravity" cause God has his reason behind every human urge .. aint He ;) ?! Who thinks that the dumb apple will cause someone rule the thought of how-it-tends-to-fall-down-than-up-damn-it over the thought ooo-juicy-free-fresh-right-from-the-tree-apple-lucky-me ?

(Leave a comment to clear this doubt of mine if you have ever had/ never had this urge!)


(Image courtesy - )

Teachers : Aaj Kal

This post has been published by me on the occasion of the Teachers' Day as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 2; the second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Teachers are like bollywood movies. Its tough to find a perfect blend; as in bollywood movies, we need a miracle to have a good plot, good direction, good drama and good acting. What does one need in a teacher? Yes! you are right - we need a perfect bollywood movie in a teacher - good direction, acting, plot and a bit of drama to make it interesting.
Today teaching has become a mere means of earning rather than the urge and craving to teach. The long bell-bottoms(which were also called elephantas) replacing the tender sharp and narrow ones, big framed retro glass structures replacing slim plastic frameless glasses on the eyes,- these are not the only things that have changed from 70's teachers to todays' ones.
Teaching I feel is in the sideburns, with them disappearing so did the quality of teaching from 70s to the 90s. But its not that there are no good teachers today, the thing is we have lost good students too. Students choose to learn things themselves these days rather than climibing the college stairs for lectures. This is a vicious circle - lack of student interest leads to degrade in quality profs and lack of quality profs leading to a degeneration in the student interest.
Its funny that everyone hates teachers in their childhood but dont realize how they mold them into the person they are today. Ironically these are the worlds that can be derived from the letters of "teacher"

But more importantly there is this vital other set too :)

and the most imp one! -- heart

A good teacher is like a drop of mercury falling on the floor, no mathematical model or statistician can simulate how many and what forms the droplet will take once they land on the floor. Same is for the teacher whose pupils spread through out the world in different forms and take the learnings with them. Somewhere inside these students have a part of the teacher in them be it the teachers of 'kaal'(yesterday) or 'aaj ke'(todays) teachers.

(Image courtesy

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton are Vipul, Rajalakshmi, Dhiman, Ranee[1], [2], [3] , Avada, Indian Pundit, Sojo, Aneet, Pramathesh, Aativas, Sid, Pra, Lakshmi, Govind, Shilpa, Bharathi, Shankar, Mytuppence, Azad, Pawan, Pankaja, Saimanohar, Guria, Shruti, Vishnu and Nasrajan. Click on their respective names to read their posts on Teachers : Aaj Kal. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Nothin much

What is the definition of "doing nothing" ? You gotto be always doing atleast something. People have this habbit of asking "Whatsup?!" which is often followed by the reply " Nothin much.." . Why do we have this dumb ritual of whatsup? New to this "text chatting" environment, one day my friend was once asked by a girl "Whats up ? ;) " ...He was stunned for a sec or two, "what does that wink mean? ...Oh OH ! Holy shit! how the hell does she know - what-is-up ?! ...and he hastily closed all the porn windows he had open. Sigh. (Pls dont gross out - i have more to say!)

For once I would like to reply "The ceiling duh?" for a "whatsup" fired my way. I dont remember a single instance when I received a reply better than "as usual", "nothin much" or "same old routine".
These greeting are so dumb i feel that they really show how comfortable you are with the other person. Ever noticed the long awkward pause when you bumped into someone which you would have rather not liked to ? After the initial "hi"s and how-are-yous and the i-am-fine-what-about-thou always end up in long awkward pauses. If you are an onlooker you can clearly view it as a tennis match, with the thoughts swinging from one to the other. Though they are not talking you can hear them perspicuously. "What the hell I am even doing talking with him". These are the tennis matches I really love to be an audience of. It kills me!

(Images courtesy - )

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Someone else.. theory

Everyone knows what is right in a difficult situation, but only when, only when, only when - someone else is in the situation. I am always perplexed to see how any tom dick or harry can speak great words of wisdom for someone who is in trouble. He himself may do all the crappy things in life, but when it comes to advising friends - this very guy who left his girlfriend cause she asked him to brush his teeth regularly in the morning will suddenly turn into a mother Teresa and advice "My friend, you need to show some maturity, even though your girlfriend spent the night with another guy.. you have to understand her and not leave her."
Another thing which i am always bewildered about is how one feels great relief and comfort if someone else (say a friend) was in the same bad situation and they share their experiences. For instance, a friend of mine was hurt as his long distance relationship didnt work out. He talked to another friend of mine and he said he faced the same long-distance curse and mentioned that these situations are tough and its better to end things rather than stretch them. My friend 1 was so thrilled that his depression sublimated and vanished in a giffy. And my friend 2 felt proud that he had consoled my friend 1. But that is not the truth. Being a friend 0 of these 2 idiots, I will tell you the truth behind the depression-sublimation effect. Rather than that friend2's words of same experience being comforting, it is the fact that some one else had gone through this misery and God didnt chose only me to suffer this --that is more comforting than Yanni's melodies!

(Image courtesy - )