Come Shit... I mean Sit.

The best part of being an animal, (by animal i mean non-human of course) is that you get to shit while you walk! Can you imagine humans doing that ? Chee! what a site that would be!
Forget how it would look,.. for a moment just imagine yourself doing that while you are walking. Got goose bumps right?! I just saw a buffalo shitting while it was walking. It made me contemplate more than freak me out.
Maybe this was the first utility ever to mark the pathway so that you dont get lost.
(Oh Yes! Now I know why "pants" were invented... people couldnt stand the site of each other doing "this" randomly say during hand shakes, during talks, during weddings..., else why do you think pants were invented?)
I couldnt in my wildest logical reasoning senses derive how do the animals generate ample pressure to do it while they are walking. I mean, thats insane. We humans face pressure problems even though we are all focus-focus in there, sitting in one place concentrating on the task at hand. And these animals do a multi-tasking job !? Thats unfair. And plus they dont have the gravitational support either, they force things out horizontally versus humans who help things out vertically.
And there is the third kind - Dogs- who are like in between, they like the 60 deg angle pose! Some times life is cruel on humans. These things definitely make you feel miserable. After all this thing goes down as one of the five pleasures of life. And btw have you ever heard a dog, sheep, buffalo fart? Woohaaa they dont have to worry about that either. Damn.

These are true "Managers" .. cause they can manage their "Shit" !

And I bet the word "shitting" was derived from "sitting" with just an addition of an "h". The reason i feel is cause "H" symbolizes the front view of how we sit for the task and "h" symbolizes the side view of it!

The Opening

I was there -- right there - on the block again. Found myself in the same situation as yesterday. Waiting, waiting -- thinking whether today is THE day ?
______

Somewhere there was water, turbulent water -- water waiting to gulp down whatever comes its way. The water was angry that day my friends.
There were lot of people around, there was a real buzz of excitement in the air.
______

I made my last prayers - prayers Federer must have made before his Roddick encounter. Knowing the fact that you will be suspended in air in few seconds is horrendous.
The apprehension was a dire one. But this was it, i was not going to bend now under the fright. I was in a way looking forward to the flight.

Then came the moment, my feet were off the ground. I was plunged backwards in air, belly facing the sky, my body imitated an arc,feet parallel to the ground and hands making an angle of 60 -- half way through, the air felt cool, things seemed to have stopped to a stand still - am I dead ? is this how death feels ?
maybe I was in heaven !

Boom! My blissful thoughts were interrupted -- bang -- I landed. I was trembling, i went in hands first, head and torso with legs following in.
I went straight into the chasm, -- right to the bottom, I could feel the abyssal depth, my feet kissed the bottom floor.

With a spasmodic jerk my feet kicked, kick of such strength -- I was going up like a missile - like Superman used to do before his flight.

My nose throwing out blobs of air, my eyes wide shut , was it a dream or am i really dying ?! I tried to open my eyes praying it was a dream, to find to find myself in the bed -but that was not the case.
It was for real. I had stopped breathing by now. This was my last thought before my head came up and I opened my mouth like a lion's-yawn to take in air.
Was the first time air tasted this nice, so surreal.

With sore eyes I looked at my friend who had put up a grisly face. He clapped as his expression changed from 0 to 1.
Thankfully it was water -- Finally I had manged the back-dive in the pool. phew!

(I was trying that for a week...boy its difficult!)

Secretary

I have always longed for a "secretary". That has been my childhood fantacy or you can say an obsession. Why cant normal people have secretaries ? Do you always have to be abnormal like your boss to have secretaries ?! Imagine if I had a secretary at my job right now who would be composing mails for me, getting prints for me, reminding me for meeting, arranging papers for me. She would be right by my side through out the day !(ahem ahem..)
How can one even work with "nice" lady secretary around ? This is like making a deer and a lion work together.. Which one is the deer and which one the lion is a choice i leave upto you to decide !
Its like having a cake too cute to be cut and eaten. Its a juxtaposition of two antithetic purposes. The sole aim of having a secretary is to make the individual more productive and proactive (note: shouldnt be read as - reproductive and procreative) But the irony is , 11 out of 10 times the boss becomes impotent (in terms of work of course)
There should be a statue codifying the laws for being qualified as a secretary :
1. (the most important) Should not be attractive at all
2. Disqualifies if she has a good figure (even if she is not attractive!.. cause we can sacrifice that for a good body sometimes)
3. Not a sweet talker. No! (we cant work around these types)
4. Thou shall not reveal any body part unless an indispensable necessity.
5. Should preferably have a boy friend before hand.
6. Should never ask for sympathy in her low times (else we cant control ourselves in such scenarios!)
7. Should be twice as age of the boss. If not then refer points 1,2,3,4,5.

Excretion En-light-ened

Humans emit all kinds of waste forms. Humans are like God's Cavia cobaya , God's Guinea pigs. Every time God invented a new form of matter it was tested by dumping it into a human mouth. And the results which came out decided whether that material passed or not. Humans emit all possible forms of matter. We eat every possible form, we excrete every possible form.We excrete plants, excrete animals, we excrete minerals, excrete fibers ...we egest matter in all forms - solid, liquid and our favorite- gas too ! And as a matter of fact or rather fact of matter.. we have gel coming out to - thats why we were given the organ between our temple and lips. And wax through our ears.
In one aspect we were left behind -- Light. Why did we lose the bid on light ?! Why dont we somehow emit light ?... It would have been cool to excrete that form too ! wouldnt it ?
One would go , " I have to go 'lighten' , excess light is harmful you know - as holding urine is harmful to the bladder". Now what would have been the source of outlet there ?! Maybe the omphalos (the bellybutton).

It would have been really helpful in times of darkness if one was able to excrete light as a waste product from his body. Torch would never had been invented.

Or.. or..maybe the Halo was a failed experiment of God which demonstrated the excretion of light.