Mom and The Idiot Box

I love my parents and they love me too. Parents are a unique species. They think everything bad is because of you upto an age where you start earning.
When I was a child, the event of a flower pot breaking was always associated with me - "You had something to do with this, didnt ya?" ..my mom used to go. Cracking of windows, she didnt even care to ask that question. Her thinking out loud - "Sigh! Where did I go wrong in bringing you up ?!" ... was always followed by me - "Ma, its not you, its me!". (Well I guess modern day break-ups have something to do with these childhood situations ;)
But the worst stare from my mother (and well.. sometimes father) used to come when we both used to be watching a movie and in comes a steamy kiss scene or a scene with the actress (heroine if you are a bollywood freak!) under an eco-friendly oath with a strict no-clothes regime.
The parental look was a killer one! It was the one saying "Look what you have done! How can you do this to us." ... God! I always feel guilty as if I had directed the scene and my mom just found out.
Why do we feel this guilt i have no clue, but the stare just makes us feel that we are the culprit.. the whole "cultural system" is going down cause of us!.
I used to dive for the remote control to switch the channel but the odds of finding it before the scene was over were way too low anyways. And by the time I got to the remote control the scene was over. Such pity, I missed the whole scene in the control hunt, ended up changing the channel just when the actors were done, and my mom gave me a look which said "you should have been in the industry with such drama skills of i-am-not-able-to-find-the-remote-control-damn-it! and you find it only when the actress gets up the next morning for her breakfast eh?".

(image courtesy : http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3029/3000043759_56867ff344.jpg )

To SnK (read as SnK and not SrK pls!)

(This ones for Ketaki!)
My friend introduced us to his to-be-wife today. (I mean he introduced us "today" ..not his "today's wife" :P )
It was like "these are the guys you gonna have to bear with for your life now" ..I guess that was the reason we had no other girl-friends in the "meeting", so that she would have to pass the test of being the alone girl in the group .. it was all about how she copes with the pressure of we being around! (For the records - she is a sweet-heart and did alright in the test. And to top it all she hates the kkkkkkhan too .. which was a moment for celebration ..dont worry I am not going to end the post in these braces..)
It was fun for us to see who are going to be the new members of the "circle".. Fun for us but she had an expression ... God I am going to feed these guys on weekends ?! These guys will be hanging around my place .. nooooo!! (Trust me I know that expression ;)

We wanted to know everything in the first meeting itself! what she likes, dislikes, favorite movies, sports, .. in the heat of the moment I even asked her "Can you sing ?" ... I ran for all the forks on the table .. she was so gonna stab me!


Long live the two.

Pockets

Well pockets ... trouser pockets ... every wondered why they were made ? They were created for men damn it ! How dumb are ya ?
We men need those ... why do we need those ? For no reason .. yes that is the reason - "for no reason" When we have nothing to do what do we do ? We put our hands in our pockets .. What do we do in awkward situations and awkward pauses - we put our hands in our pockets.
When we dont know how to impress a girl - yeah you guessed it right, we put our hands in our pockets showing her how cool we are! How dumb can we get ?
Our jean pockets are our best friends. With those we face no fear, we are not afraid of the silence between conversations neither the crappy social small talk we need to do to sustain in this society of yours!
And all these days you were dumb enough to think that we have pockets to keep our things, cellphone, keys, blah blah blah...
And women have their hand-bags/purses whatever you want to call those (I never know at what size the purse qualifies to be called a hand-bag ... sorry unaware of the threshold size for the promotion :( .. ) to keep their stuff.
Seldom do you see a girl in need of her jean pockets to start a conversation or a small talk ...

I guess we men are too scared that sooner or latter we will show the finger during the conversation ... hence the need ... of pockets!

(image courtesy : http://www.weeklyreader.com/readandwriting/content/binary/pockets.jpeg)

No Tag No Fag

Girls have a deep desire to put a label on whatever they can. Like relationships .. their mind goes marking people, I bet thats what they use to distinguish people rather than the appearance. They live in the Avatar world where they see labels on the avatar's forehead. Closely notice them .. they go "guy with a long nose", "bald guy", "rich guy", "clooney look alike", "poor man's Shahrukh" ... then there are tags like "just a friend" which are more devastating than the break up. Its like you never got an entry into the team which feels worse than the team leaving you out for performance reasons.

Not only this opposite sex has to tag people, they are always in search of tags for things which are not yet tagged. In a relationship, what do you think a girl means when she says "where is this thing going .. ?" She wants an answer or rather a tag to put on it "committed" or "not committed" you bastard!

Why do only girls have a single "best friend" .. Please girls do let me know what exactly do you mean by "best friend". Is there a set of questions you ask yourself OR your so called "best friend" - answering which she is officially tagged as your best friend ? I want that questionnaire too for God's sake!
Guys never have a best friend. And if you find any guy mentioning that "best-friend" tag then the odds of him not being gay are equivalent to an Indian not knowing the significance of the name "Sachin".
Never saw a guy tagging someone as he is my best friend for life! Cause we dont tag :)
What is a "best friend" anyways ? Is he/she really the best ? These days I hear girls saying "she is ONE of my best friends ?" Superlative! I cant stop laughing on these kind..

Barber

Well I am in a process of extending the black strands on my head. Hair! Such a unique thing hair is ...
I always wonder, why not make a protein powder using discarded hair, after all hair is made up of 91% protein ! Damn! Now I know where all my protein consumption of the day goes. I had heard a stand up comedy sometime where the comedian right described hair, "Hair is such a beautiful thing, we dont have a problem kissing another person on the head right on his hair... but one strand of this hair if tries to set lose and land in your soup, its havoc! "There is a hair in my soup! There is a hair in my soup!" I have seen people lose their mind if they find a hair piece in their food.

I always look forward to going to a barber, cause that is the only place i get to read those crap movie magazines and have a good laugh! I bet there was a barber's conference when the business was a low in the 70's and 80's where people wouldnt care to trim their hair, every couple from behind looked like a female couple. And this conference finally came to the conclusion that dumb movie magazines was the only solution to the losing business!

My friend has an interesting take on this, he says "You should go to a new barber each time. Seeing a new customer he gives you special attension and treatment so that you come again! But once you are there for the second time he takes you for granted. So the mantra is to go to a new barber in the city every time you want a trim.. .think about it"


Images courtesy :
http://www.public-domain-photos.com/free-cliparts-1-big/transportation/aiga-symbols/aiga_barber_shop_beauty_salon1.png
http://www.interbiz.com.au/images/hair_salon.jpg

Women are from heaven, men are just mortals!

Disclaimer : I dont drink! I am no male chauvinist!

Seinfeld had once rightly said "What do men want? - ans: women! ". And "what do women want? - ans: we dont know"
whole aim of a mans life is to get a woman that was the reason this species was created in the first place - to find women. The ultimate destiny of a man is .........
yeah cant think of one right, here is the answer - to find a woman damn it!
It is all part of the Divine Plan. There were only women on the planet initially, men were only created so that the women could see these incapacitated creatures craving for them and soliciting to get them. And the "male dominance" and crap was created only by the astute God so that the men dont feel too miserable. But we men are so innocent that we just bask in the glory of male-dominance while the women are laughing (or rather rotflmao-ing) secretly on our foolishness.

But what do women want is still a question no man has yet found an answer to ...and probably will never find. And please dont tell me - women want men too. Thats crap .. we are everywhere, why do they keep saying i am in search of a man? - Girl! just peep out of your window you will find one!
Have you ever seen a guy straight away rejecting a woman ? No. Cause he knows his odds ..he thinks i should play safe, what if i get no other woman and i reject this girl too ! But in same situation a girl thinks .. yeah he is the perfect guy for me, but I should not make the decision so soon... what if i find someone better ? Gee, "Better than Perfect" - is it even a term !?
But beware! we men are clever too .. to forget (atleast for a while) that our aim is to get a woman we invented beer!
So now our priorities have increased by one in the below order -
1. perfect woman for life
2. beer



You can register all kinds of criticism in the comments section : )

Images courtesy -
http://www.glyphjockey.com/pix07/wonderwoman1.jpg
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2275/2252586366_0fb1939364.jpg?v=0